Recalling Memories

  I've been thinking about memories recently. The older I get the more aware I am of how fleeting they are. I love to reminisce when I hang out with old friends. We revisit the past and hash out the details. Sometimes the memories come rushing back. Other times they are completely forgotten.

  Isn't it just the greatest when you suddenly recall a fond memory? It's like God is sending you little snapshots of your life and he is saying, " Remember this? I was there with you."

Sometimes the memories aren't so pleasant. They can be painful, regretful, or downright embarrassing memories.

  Tonight, after the kids were in bed, Paul and I did our evening workout. After 20 minutes of lunges I laid on the couch and quickly propped my feet on the cushions so my legs were elevated. It brought me back to 6th grade basketball practice.

Look.. I am not a sporty person by any means, but it was way worse when I was a slow and uncoordinated 12 year old girl. Eventually I wisened up and got into music. That is where I really thrived, however,  that is another story.

I played basketball from 6th to 9th grade. My 6th grade basketball coah was Coach Mudd. This next opinion reverts back to me being.. you know.. slow and uncoordinated but I feel as though she ran us pretty hard.
  Uuugghh.. Cardio.. **shivers**
I know, I know.. "No pain no gain" and all of that jazz.. but I reiterate.. slow and uncoordinated.

There is this particular drill we would do that was absolute hell. I don't even remember what it was called but it requires you to be low and moving.

When she told us to line up at half court I knew what was coming. I remember I would scheme and attempt to get at the end of the line. I did not want to be the first in the line and hold everyone up.

The only problem was Coach would pick which end started. You could be last or you could be first. Well this time I was first. I was filled with dread.. Coach Mudd blew her whistle and everyone squatted down in unison to shuffle around the cracked and faded black lines of the court.

I started out at a good pace. For a moment I thought I could push through it. About halfway around is when I started to zone out a little.
But I kept pushing.
My view started to get blurry.
But I kept pushing. 
I started to get tunnel vision.
But I kept pushing.
I couldn't hear the coach calling my name.
So I kept pushing.

I don't remember what it was that snapped me out of it. I remember being pulled to the side and Coach Mudd stopping the practice. She had me lie down on the bleachers and put my feet on the beige plastic seats above me. I laid there and looked at the ceiling for a few minutes. Every second that went by I felt a little better. I could hear the other girls on my team whispering. I looked over to see them staring at me and talking. My cheeks burned and my eyes teared up. I was sure they thought the worst of me. I felt ashamed. I felt like a weakling.

  Coach Mudd continued practice and for the 10 minutes that was left I stayed in that same position. When practice was over she walked over to ask me if I was ok. I struggled to get up and let out a squeaky, " Yes!" Hoping I sounded enthusiastic. I wanted to sound strong. I wanted to be able to brush it off.
Then Coach Mudd said, "Never ever push yourself that hard. It's ok to tell me you can't do something."

  Something was being chipped away inside of me. It was as if a frosted window began to crack.
Practice was over so I made my way to the locker room where all of the girls were getting ready for class. When I walked in they strode over to me and asked if I was ok. They all told me they were so worried about me. In that moment the frosted window shattered and I realized that I had been insecure and ashamed for no reason.
I am the only one that knows my body and only I know when I've reached my limit.
This may seem like an obvious thought to most but I wanted approval so bad. I wanted to look stronger than I actually was.

  back to the present as I was strung out on the couch in the exact same position I was in so many years ago, I asked God a few questions.

  "God, where were you?"

  He said,

  "As you were pushing yourself past your limit I was the one who was holding you up and I sat beside you while you tried to catch your breath."
  
  "God, what is the truth you want to share with me tonight?"

   This is what he spoke..

  "Call on my name when you are weary and I will be there."

  Have you ever heard the phrase, 'God will only give you what you can handle'?
I don't like that phrase. I think there will be times when are given more than we can handle. I don't think that's a bad thing. I think its an opportunity to put our trust in God. It's a good thing to take a step back and say, "I can't do this. Lord, take this from me."

Ask and you shall receive, seek and you will find, knock and a door will be open unto you.

  God will swoop in and save you. He will be there for you because he is already there.